I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
