when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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