he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
