Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
