Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
