i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
