he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
