Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
