I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
