ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
