Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
