He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
