woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
