just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
