Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
