The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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