Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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