I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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