3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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