If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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