Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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