thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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