too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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