i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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