another moral hangover. fuck.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
