Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
