I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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