marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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