Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
