but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
