Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
