She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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