i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
