I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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