cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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