Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
