if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
