i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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