I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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