i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
