she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
