I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No subtext here. People are naked.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
