He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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