The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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