I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
