What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
