There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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