in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
