4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she looked like the before picture.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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