and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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