sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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