we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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