I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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