Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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