She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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