On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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