Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
