Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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