Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The air taste purple.
Randomize
