I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
