i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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