He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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