I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
