3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
