Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
