GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
