I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize