I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
