There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
