This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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