I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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