I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
