Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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